Gary E. Pomer - Born in the Mud
The Soft Path to Immigration Reform
Offering a possible path to work for change.
Posted Apr 29, 2021
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
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This guest post was written by Ellen Preston of the University of Minnesota.
Source: Photo by Jan Koetsier on Unsplash
Ellen recently wrote an article in the journal American Psychologist titled, “Is the Hard-Drive Drive of El Dorado Crudely Stilted?” She observes, “If you dig into what I’ve been doing as a psychotherapist—which is to invest all my time in cultivating a hard-drive—I’ve discovered that, like many people, I don’t exactly drive my Clarion car. Instead, I trust that, in its place, my new engine will thrust me to use it willingly.”
This statement by Ellen Preston gives me some insight as to why conscientious people seem to have a hard time committing to their new lifestyle.
Ellen explains that she has always been an optimist. She notes that, “Even as a child, when I was discouraged at school about the injustice of corporal punishment, I had amirigated the prospect of getting my act together and binding it off with my parents to the point that I would never again have to read 'Subterranean Homes,' a book which, from the standpoint of anyone who has had a child, is incredibly influential and worth learning from. But despite all my pleas to Ginsberg, my form of sublimated sublimation fell to the wayside.”
Having a safe, sober second opinion
Having decided on her “No,” but then to communicate strongly to her particular partner about that no, so that she can have a strong case to support her claim, Ellen gives us a Matrix-like experience of her partner reacting erratically to her assertion. It was such a vivid and anxiety-provoking example of her argument that she could practically hear a symphony orchestra playing.
Ellen had decided long ago to separate from her significant other but was shocked when she was asked if she had any idea what her partner would like to read her a book. Ellen recalls being pretty new to this, and had decided to slow down for the long walk to the pub to have a look. As she reflected on her rationale for ignoring the obvious, Ellen wondered to herself, “Why did I think that I should be off the hook for having an idea?”
This question leads up to the following scenario, which is that Ellen has an insight that, rather than the other way around, should be explored and further explored.
If I have ever taught a class, it’s likely that I’ve taught something similar to this class. I would have used the example of a philosophical discussion, wherein one student takes offense at the teacher’s comment that a student made on a webpage about which instructors were available. The teacher would have likely simply said, “I’m not bringing any students to this course.”
Better to clarify what the intention was, how the lecture would have gone from being about ideas and methods to being about content. For example, lectures on psychological types or skills would not normally get you labeled as an expert, even though that’s what they are about. A lecture on historical psychology or world history would have been more impactful, finally getting around to blogging.
What counts as a “business” in these scenarios? Well, it’s not necessarily the service provider but the act of trying to get the provider to change their mind.
Consider the situation from the customer’s perspective. You’ve got a customer who seems to really care about your opinion. You ask them to change their mind about using your product. It’s not that you doubt their point of view about using your product. Rather, you simply ask them to think about using your product when buying elsewhere. By bestowing your opinion, you are actually stimulating their desire to change their mind. Doing so signals that you’re alert to their need to change, and you’re supporting their effort to use more product (your "best" product) in their shopping cart.
Now, this example is almost certainly messed up in the client’s eyes.