Terry L. Austin Ph.D.
Be Right
Forgiveness
Why Does an Apology Have to Take So Long?
Saying "I'm sorry" is only one part of repairing your relationship.
Posted May 05, 2021
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THE BASICS
The Importance of Forgiveness
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A valuable tool to have in a free moment is the ability to rapidly write and reply to a hurtful communication. At times, plenty of time may be available. When making a complaint, however, the initial response from the other person may instead be long, protracted, and ultimately redundant. Why waste your time responding when you could be using other life areas to solve your problem and address your complaint?
In a persuasive interview, an attractive person might explain, “I’m trying to be supportive but my client’s style of communication is often uncompromising. I don’t want to have to write an apology, and I don’t particularly care if I’ve embarrassed him or her with a complaint.”
Consider the dilemma: If you strongly disagree with your client's point of view and can’t be reasonable with them, how can you suggest a more constructive way of communication?
The simple answer is to try to be more reasonable. Even if you don’t agree completely, the two of you need to find ways to agree on what the other person may be trying to communicate. This may involve simply reverting the previous conversation to a more detailed discussion or turning away from the discussion entirely. The suggestion is that you ask the other person to try to be more reasonable and present, which can strengthen the relationship going forward.
There’s no right or wrong answer—what happens when you get involved in a quarrel?
The answer is that you and your client need to have a discussion about their point of view and determine if it was productive to have a full or partial discussion.
Again, there’s no right or wrong answer here—what happens when you have to be right and your client disagrees?
This all assumes that both parties have generally positive intent—i.e., both parties have sought the most reasonable paths towards achieving the beneficial outcome of the conflict.
How granular is this?
The above diagram is based on the idea that two people are in a car with their eyes closed.
While the eyes are open, the car is driving on the left. Therefore, the decision of which lane to take the next switch is based on the assumption that the left lane is occupied by someone who is looking right at you.
If the left lane is occupied by someone who is looking right at you, you will have to be extra cautious because the decision now becomes about where to park.
If the left lane is occupied by someone who is looking right at you, you will have to be extra cautious because the decision now becomes about where to park.
If you're parking in the exact same spot where the car is stopped, then you can now only use your imagination to guess which way the car is heading.
Finding the Best Parking Spot
Leaving a parking spot is a common past-time that leads to dissatisfying parking experiences—finding the parking spot to park in a specific spot where you can’t quite have your full picture in your mind.
To find the best parking spot, or to be sure you’re parking wisely, check out this informative post and this short email I received on the topic.
Enjoy!
Michael W. Austin Ph.D., ABPP
The Birth of Your Self
Attention
A Tight Chin, or So-Ching: 7 Tips for Supremely Attentive Drivers
Toughening the tension between attention and slackness.
Posted May 05, 2021
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Reviewed by Lybi Ma
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THE BASICS
Understanding Attention
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Source: Photo by Alexander Dyachenko/Pixabay
The rare navigator of seals, one who hikes into the Pacific Northwest between Okhotsk and Saipun, finds himself stuck in an endless chain of what-to-dos.